


Don't Let Me Drown

by pitypartyof1



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Merpeople, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Rating will go up, ashton's a merman, calum and ashton are underage, calum loves the sea, occurs in the past though not specifying a time period
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-04-29 03:20:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14463867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pitypartyof1/pseuds/pitypartyof1
Summary: "His earliest memory is around four years old. He’s sitting on his father’s shoulders as he gazes to the horizon, the ocean licking gently at his feet. He’s telling Calum the old stories and myths of the deep blue surrounding them. Sea creatures, gods who conjure storms, seals that shed their skins to become men. Calum thinks they were good stories, he knows this even if the memory is a bit fuzzy because for a long time, they didn’t change. No matter how many times Calum hears them, he loves them."





	1. but when the night came, the weather to a raging storm had turned

**Author's Note:**

> Here's this while I'm struggling with my Star!AU  
> Why do I start new things when I have other things that need attention? Who knows.  
> Show some love. Please comment something/anything this made you think/feel or let me know if there's something you'd like to see/change. Please, please, please. It gives me inspiration.

His earliest memory is around four years old. He’s sitting on his father’s shoulders as he gazes to the horizon, the ocean licking gently at his feet. He’s telling Calum the old stories and myths of the deep blue surrounding them. Sea creatures, gods who conjure storms, seals that shed their skins to become men. Calum thinks they were good stories, he knows this even if the memory is a bit fuzzy because for a long time, they didn’t change. No matter how many times Calum hears them, he loves them.

It becomes their routine. Every night, Calum’s father takes him to the water. When he gets too old for shoulder rides, they stand side by side in the shallows. The ebb and swirl of the water relaxes him as he listens to his father’s voice. Usually, they stay out until well past dark and laugh together at the frown on his mother’s face as she stands in the doorway when they return.

On his ninth birthday, the stories _do_ change and Calum’s brow furrows at the new inclusions of violence. It’s scary to him.

“Papa, how come you changed the story?”

“You weren’t old enough to hear it before.”

“But I am now?”

“Yes. You are.”

“Okay.”

In the new version of the story, the people that live in the water kill people that live on land. Like Calum and his family. The seal people have their skins stolen and can’t go home.

He doesn’t sleep well but Calum doesn’t want to disappoint his father, so he pretends he isn’t tired all the next day. The stories are less scary that night and he thinks it’s because he’s already heard them. Whatever the reason, he’s thankful as he dutifully listens.  

During the spring after Calum turns eleven, his father leaves on a sailing trip. It’s not a big deal, it’s just that Calum always misses him a lot. Mali always teases him, but it’s just not the same going to the ocean at night alone. It’s something they do together, it doesn’t feel right without him. He still only misses one night and that’s only because of a storm.

The same storm that sinks his father’s boat, though he doesn’t know it.

When he doesn’t come home, they search. They search everywhere and Calum can see the lines on his mother’s face deepen with every day, hears her crying at night as he and Mali lay awake, eyes shining brightly at each other across the small space of their shared bedroom. He visits the water every night, begging the vast stretch to divulge his father. It doesn’t. He gives up hope long before he accidentally hears her telling their closest neighbor she believes him dead and he supposes he shouldn’t feel as betrayed as he does. It’s been a year, what did he expect? Even if he gave up, he didn’t think she would, apparently.

They never do find a body.

For six months after he overhears the conversation, Calum can’t bring himself to look at the sparkling water, calm and beautiful or rough and opaque. He goes out of his way to avoid it. When he finally does find the courage to look out his bedroom window and stare it down, he finds his preference has shifted.

Calm seas used to make him feel at home. Now, he feels a certain sick kinship with the rough. Inside, some part of him feels he can only find his father in the same seas that drowned him and took him from Calum’s life. The salty spray and angry whitecaps match the turmoil and rage roiling inside him.

For months, staring out the window is still the closest he comes to visiting the water. Eventually, though, it’s not enough. His draw to the sea overpowers his anger and he finds himself at the water’s edge, toes curling into damp, moldable sand as the waves cool his feet.

Losing his father is the most devastating thing he’s ever experienced but he tried his best not to cry. Mali and his mom cried a lot, he wanted to be strong for them. Here, back by the water, he finally feels safe breaking down, even if it’s a year late.

Tears stream down his cheeks as he mumbles clumsily through the stories he knows by heart, whispering them to the wind. They believe in spirits, and if his father’s is out there, Calum knows he’ll hear the words.

It’s not until he’s thirteen and a half that he starts to wonder if the stories are a little more than what they seem. He starts to think that maybe they’re real after all. Maybe that’s why his father told them with such practiced ease – they were history, not tales.

The history of his people. Calum’s family has lived in the same small village on the same coastline for generations. Traveling is hard, his family doesn’t have money or horses. They have even less now with his father gone. Mali will likely marry soon, to have a husband to take care of her. He’ll be expected to find a way to care for his mother. Neither of them will leave this place, their family line will continue here so long as Mali has children. Calum knows he won’t. But the point – these stories happened, Calum’s people stole the skins of the seal people, they fought sea monsters. Maybe.

Or maybe just one of the stories is real.

He can trace this new knowledge back to a single event. It happens on a calm summer night. It was a warm day and Calum went down to the water earlier than usual that evening, stripping down to his bare skin and diving into the cool water. The waves are almost nonexistent as they push at his small, changing body. He’s still virtually hairless, but other things are different than they used to be. Becoming a man is scary, he thinks floating on his back and staring mindlessly at the sky, it means expectations he’s not sure he can bear the weight of just yet.

As he ruminates, he catches a small movement in the corner of his vision. It’s mostly dark so he can’t see that well, and it’s gone by the time he looks anyway. He could have sworn he saw someone peeking at him out of the water, only… He _knows_ he’s the only person here. This was his and his dad’s secret spot. No one else knows about it, besides, he wouldn’t have gotten nude if there’d been people to see him.

Paddling upright, he gazes around uneasily for a few more minutes before he returns to floating on his back. Stars are beautiful. That’s when he sees a flash of silvery gold to his right.

Bursting upright, water dripping in his eyes, heart pounding, he stares around him. Widening his eyes in an attempt to further his vision, he finally spots it.

There’s a boy.

By the look of his face, he’s older than Calum, but only just. His head and the rounds of his shoulders are the only thing visible in the darkness and Calum swallows harshly. Wet hair is already waving around his ears and even in this light, he looks golden. The boy is _beautiful_.

Calum blinks and the boy’s eyes flash. In the space of a heartbeat, he flips backward, under the waves, tail flashing up out of the water before submerging once again.

Tail.

A moment of shock passes and then Calum emits a choking scream and strokes for shore, barely pulling on his pants before streaking home on bare feet.

Barging into their small home, his mother frowns at the state of him, but he ignores her low words as he bangs up toward his and Mali’s room.

Telling Mali probably wasn’t his best idea. In the heat of the moment, he’d needed to tell someone. Logically, he knows he can trust her, but that doesn’t mean telling her makes him feel better. In fact, as they sit facing each other on her bed, he feels distinctly idiotic.

“A mermaid?”

“You should have _seen_ it! His tail was _gold_ , Mal, it was so pretty!”

She sighs in a way that makes Calum feel a prickle of shame. He can feel the color creeping across his skin and his ears burn.

“I’m not making it up,” he murmurs softly.

Wrapping her arms around him, she pulls him gently to her, cradling his head in the crook of her shoulder where he can press his face to her neck and hide. “Oh Cally. Mermaids aren’t real, you have to know that. I know papa told you those stories, but they were just _stories_. You’re missing him. It’s okay.”

Calum’s eyes water and he presses his face further into her neck. He doesn’t say anything, but he doesn’t have to. She can feel the hot glide of tears against her skin.

She doesn’t believe him, but Calum knows what he saw. No matter how much he misses his father, he knows the mermaid was real.


	2. i'll tell a story, paint you a picture from my past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The water is as calm as he’s ever seen it as his gaze roams the surface, searching. Every small glimmer catches his eye and it’s maddening, this sitting and waiting.  
> “You came back.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please, PLEASE leave me feedback. I'd love to know what you think, and your comments inspire me.

The next night, Calum rushes through dinner, avoiding Mali’s knowing gaze and the pity it holds. Getting back to the water is the only thing on his mind. The boy’s beautiful face and the flash of golden tail are all he could think about that day and he’s anxiously hoping to see him again tonight. Mali tries to stop him as he stands to leave. Calum ignores her, pushing past.

In the small cloth satchel by the door, he’s carefully packed away a bit of honey. Snagging it on his way out the door, he hopes he’s packed it properly. His father once told him that the men who sailed when mermaids were plentiful would lure them to the ship with honey before catching them and removing their tails.

Unlike the sailors, Calum doesn’t want to hurt this boy. The honey is a peace offering. Though no one knew why, his father told him honey was the only thing from the human world that the merpeople enjoyed. Calum hopes this boy likes it, too. He has so many questions he wants to ask if he can gain the other’s favour. Even though he knows the power of seduction that merpeople possess from his father’s stories, Calum can’t help feeling strangely enamoured with this boy already.

Not bothering with shoes, he trots down the path barefoot, as graceful as any young boy can be in the semi-darkness. When his feet hit sand, a sense of freedom spreads through him and it’s like he can breathe again, except he hadn’t even realized there was a weight on his chest. The salt in the air is welcome as he takes it in. When he’s here, Mali’s judgement and his mother’s worries can’t touch him.

Plodding farther down the beach, he settles into the sand just shy of the water’s edge and close to where he’d shed his clothes last night. The water is as calm as he’s ever seen it as his gaze roams the surface, searching. Every small glimmer catches his eye and it’s maddening, this sitting and waiting.

“You came back.”

The voice startles Calum from his inner thoughts and he jumps, head swiveling around. Only the crown of the boy’s wet hair and his eyes are visible. He’s not too far out, but far enough to be safe.

“I thought you might,” he continues.

His voice is warm and raspy with a note of wariness accompanying it. Calum swallows hard, trying to find his courage.

“Did you want me to?” He wavers and curses his nerves.

“Yes,” the boy responds simply. “I would not have shown myself otherwise.”

He swims minutely forward and Calum reciprocates with a step. His toes are nearly within the water’s reach now and he can feel he heart racing. The blood rushing in his ears is so loud he almost misses the boy’s next words.

“I’ve been watching you for quite some time, you know.”

Trying to swallow again, he finds that his throat is dry and his voice comes out croaky. “How long?”

“Long enough to know the older man no longer comes with you as he used to on so many nights.”

The curiosity tainting his tone doesn’t escape Calum’s notice and he grimaces as tears prick his vision with the casual reminder of what he’s lost.

“That upsets you,” the boy observes. “Why does he not join you any longer?”

“My father,” Calum starts, clearing his throat when his voice catches with emotion. “My father died, when I was eleven.”

A noise of understanding floats across the water.

“I’d wondered. You were gone for so long, and you came back so sad. I almost gave up, you know, but I have nothing else and I missed the stories. Even though he did get parts wrong and leave out some important things,” he muses as an afterthought.

This statement sends Calum’s head spinning. This boy had been coming to listen to his father tell Calum the stories, had enjoyed them. Knowing that he was there in the dark, listening gives Calum a small shiver. They’d never known there’d been someone – _something_ – else eavesdropping and watching them.

Calum stares. “But… You’re a mermaid.”

The boy rolls his eyes, now floating more fully out of the water. “Mer _man_ , thank you very much, but your point taken, yes. I am a merman.”

Calum’s cheeks flush. “Sorry.”

Shrugging, the boy mostly ignores the apology. “What’s your name?” he asks, gesturing at Calum.

“Calum,” he whispers.

“I like that name,” the boy murmurs. “Calum,” he says as if testing it out. “You can call me Ashton.”

Calum nods, acknowledging the boy’s – Ashton’s – response. Something else is taking over his mind, however, thoughts swirling and eddying, wanting answers. “What did you mean saying my father ‘got parts wrong’ and ‘left out important things’?”

Out in the water, Ashton cocks his head and swims closer yet again. His smile is a little tarnished. “The history between our people is complicated at best,” he rubs absently at his chin. “I suppose both sides would remember it differently. We remember much more violence. The rest isn’t important, really.”

Edging forward until he’s up to his ankles in the water, he stares at Ashton, evaluating. “Did your father tell you the stories too?”

A shadow passes over Ashton’s feautures and he makes a face, looking away quickly. “I don’t… _have_ a father. Our people…” He trails off, taking a deep breath. “We do have families, but mine is…” Once more he falls silent, struggling with the emotion the conversation inspires. “Mine is not close. My father left when I was quite young. I have two younger siblings whom my mother is much closer to. She loves them dearly.”

He looks ruefully at his fingers as he says it.

“And you?” Calum presses.

“Me?”

Surprise flits through his eyes as if he never dreamed Calum would care to know. Something in Calum’s chest clenches and he nods, not trusting himself to speak and risk breaking their fragile trust.

“I was a rogue.” Wet fingers rise to his hair, pushing back the damp hair beginning to resolve into curls over his eyes. “They fought a great deal when I was younger. That’s how I found you and your father.” Peeking up at Calum, he offers a soft smile. “I was swimming to get away from them and I heard your father’s voice. He had a very calming way of speaking. I was laying on a rock, out of eyesight.”

Calum watches him with wide eyes, waiting patiently for him to continue. It’s clear there’s more to Ashton’s story and Calum finds himself completely absorbed and invested in him. As he remains silent, toes digging into the sand, he hears Ashton let out a frustrated sigh and watches as he flips onto his back, tail fanning before him and gleaming in the moonlight.

Breath hitching softly, Calum leans forward, admiring every scale as it shines. The gold coloring is more prominent than he remembers. It’s absolutely _beautiful._

“You think so?”

Calum hadn’t realized he’d spoken out loud, but Ashton’s response confirms it. Heat invades the tips of his ears as he nods. “Yeah, it’s amazing.”

Ashton takes a deep breath. “After my dad left for good, I came back to this spot. It was the last place I felt safe. You were both here, telling the same stories, even though you looked older. I wondered… So, I came back the next night.” Meeting Calum’s eyes, he ducks his head, something like embarrassment taking over. “I’ve been coming back _every_ night, even though you don’t say them anymore. I like watching you.”

Blinking softly at the merman, Calum reaches slowly for his bag. “I… I brought you something. Father told me the merpeople like it.” He unwraps the package slowly, holding it up. “It’s honey,” he explains quietly.

Ashton’s face closes off and before Calum has time to realize he’s done something wrong, Ashton’s tail is flashing in the night as he disappears again.

Frowning, he tucks the gift back into his bag. If he’s lucky, Ashton will still come back tomorrow night, and maybe Calum can ask what he did to make him so angry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, please, PLEASE leave me feedback. I'd love to know what you think, and your comments inspire me.


	3. and with me watched the sunsets into nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It was self-defense. We fought back,” Ashton’s voice cuts across the night, a hard edge lingering, sharp like the battered rocks beneath the bluffs. 
> 
>  
> 
> OR: Resolving misunderstandings.

Calum waits at the water’s edge until the stars are starting to become visible that next night. There’s nothing to hear or see beyond the sounds of the sea. Birds call to each other in the air. Ashton does not call out to him but the prickling on the back of his neck tells Calum he’s out there. It’s the feeling of being watched, much like the first night Ashton had surprised him in the water.

Heaving a sigh, he gazes into the heavens, steeling himself for the emotional rollercoaster on which he’s about to embark. There’s only one way he knows that might coax the other boy out. He hasn’t spoken the words since the night he cried them into breeze for his father’s spirit. “I don’t tell them as good as he did,” Calum starts with a shuddery breath, “but I still remember them.”

Voice a low hum on the night air, he settles himself into the past and begins retracing his father’s words. It’s almost as if he can hear his father’s voice echoing back to him over the intervening years.

_‘Long ago, there were people that lived in the sea. They swam just as the fish do, took breath under the water, were one with the creatures who called that dark place home. They lived in harmony there, speaking to the fish and the fauna in their own manner._

_But they were like us also. They breathed air, spoke in our tongue, even looked like us with their tails beneath the surface._

_Forever stuck between the two worlds, they were. Unable to walk on land, they made the sea their home. Yet they visited the surface often for the much loved the sun and the night skies._

_Men, you see, did not yet travel the water. These sea people were safe to exist as they had for as long as they remembered. They could sun themselves, watch those who lived on the shore, count stars... Perhaps they envied us, I don’t know, but it was peaceful then, there was no violence or fighting._

_Trouble came when humans found ways to float and traverse the waves. When their ignorance of the sea people ended, so did the peace. They say the first man to encounter a mermaid became so taken with her that he attempted to swim after her and drowned._

_Fascination took over the minds of men. They wanted to know more about the half-humans that straddled the barrier of the sea. As men are wont to do, they thought themselves superior to those merpeople._

_We tricked them, trapped them, tortured them, removed their tails as trophies._

_Oh, but they proved equally cunning and vicious in ways men never dreamed.’_

“It was self-defense. We fought back,” Ashton’s voice cuts across the night, a hard edge lingering, sharp like the battered rocks beneath the bluffs.

Calum gulps. “At first, but not always, right?” He knows how the story continues. The merpeople showed no empathy or forgiveness for the transgressions of men. They transformed into demons, killing humans in the most horrific ways. Mermaids were said to have a siren-like call that enticed even the strongest men to willfully enter death’s arms.

Figure emerging in the twilight, Ashton swims closer and stops short when he’s sure the human can see him. Features stony, he shrugs, conceding to the allegation.

“We decided to strike first rather than wait to be struck.”

A shiver rattles down Calum’s spine despite the balmy summer air. The ice of Ashton’s tone leaves no doubt of his feelings. “And me?” he intones softly. “Would you strike me?”

The merman’s eyes flash, an electrical kind of danger radiating off of him. “I would not attempt to swim tonight.”

It hits like a blow to Calum’s body and his shoulders sag, eyes falling closed as if weighted.

“What have I done to hurt you?”

Ashton bares his teeth, the white of them glimmering in the low light as droplets of water slide along his jawline. “You are ignorant, but not by your own fault. Your father was biased, prejudiced against our kind. I told you he left out much.”

Swimming closer with violent choppy movements entirely at odds with the ease of the tide around him, he glares. “The story he told only briefly acknowledges the atrocities of men, did you notice? Instead, it vilifies our reactions.” Ashton’s nostrils flare heatedly.

“He told you we like honey. Did he tell you what it does to us? Did he tell you how men used it to lure and incapacitate us? Did he?”

Calum’s face falls and his voice quakes. “No.”

“Speak louder, human,” Ashton taunts, jeering at him.

Squaring his shoulders against the shock, betrayal and sadness flooding every cell of him, Calum meets his angry stare.

“No,” he states louder, voice unable to hide his emotion, the bitterness coloring every word “he never told me any of it.”

A switch seems to flip in the other boy, all anger draining out of him, melting away on the breeze at the sound of the human’s pain. His eyes are soft as he lifts them again.

“It’s not your fault. I said I’d watched. I knew you hadn’t known. Still, my anger was justified but taking it out on you was not. I should not have said what I did. I’m sure your father was a good man. After all, he loved you greatly.”

Calum nods silently, working hard to swallow past the lump in his throat.

“I was scared,” the merman confides quietly. “Honey is like an alcohol to us, but much stronger than that which humans imbibe. Don’t you understand,” he swims closer, voice pleading.

“They would use the honey to lure us, before we realized what was happening, that we were at _war._ Once we were under its influence and defenseless, we were easy prey for them. I panicked when you offered, it was all I could think of.”

Again, Calum nods. “If I’d known, I would never have brought it. For that, I’m sorry. It was meant to be a good gesture. I have no wish to harm you.”

Ashton dips his head in acknowledgement. “Nor I, you.”

“If I wished to swim right now,” the human hedges in a whisper, “would I find that I could do so?” His eyes flick to Ashton anxiously and back to the ground.

“I would not stop you,” comes the hesitant reply.

A small smile tilts the corner of his lips as Calum sinks to settle comfortably into the sand. “That’s good enough for now,” he murmurs.

Frowning in confusion, the merman sinks further beneath the surface. “Would you wish me to leave so you are free to swim? I know I frightened you that first night.”

Cheeks coloring with a tinge of heat at the memory, Calum shakes his head. “No, I don’t want to swim. I simply wanted to know if we had made peace enough that you would allow it. It seemed an easier way of asking if you’d forgiven me for my ignorance. I hope you’ll teach me rather than using your anger when it inevitably happens again.”

Gazing at him solemnly, Ashton nods and returns his own shy grin. “I will endeavor to do my best. I can sometimes be hotheaded but it’s not frequent. I hope you, in turn, will forgive me that.”

“I do.”

 

As the night air cools around them, Calm presses closer to the water, hugging his own knees in a vain attempt to ward off the chill creeping in. “Do you get cold,” he queries.

Ashton, floating on his back and splashing his tail lazily, glances over. “Not really. I’m made to live in this water, and at great depths. This temperature is nothing.”

They fall quiet for a moment before Ashton cuts him a mischievous glance. “Hey, ya wanna see something?”

Calum can’t help matching the merman’s obvious enthusiasm. “Yeah,” he urges, sitting up a little straighter.

Ashton makes a sudden dive under the waves, disappearing from sight. He’s gone long enough that Calum’s brows start to furrow, wondering if Ashton’s playing a joke on him.

The insecurity disappears instantly when Ashton bursts from the water. Flipping quickly in the air, golden tail sparkling, he crashes back into the water. When he reemerges, he’s consumed with gleeful giggles and Calum can feel the laughter bubbling in his own chest in response.

“That was so cool,” he gushes.

“I don’t get to do it much unless I swim really far out, but it’s so much fun!”

 

The walk home that night feels a little weightless. With a new understanding between them, Calum can’t help wishing that Ashton were like him, that they could go on adventures together. He knows it’s very ill-advised, but he can’t help being attracted to the other boy.

Calum’s known from the moment he first found his body reacting to thoughts of other boys that he would never have a family, or children of his own. Intimacy between two men is unacceptable in his village, he’s grown up knowing that.

What he doesn’t know is how to feel now. He never thought he’d find himself truly wanting someone, promised himself he wouldn’t let it happen.

He wants Ashton to be human.

He wants Ashton.

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment something/anything this made you think/feel or let me know if there's something you'd like to see/change. Please, please, please. It gives me inspiration.


End file.
